"discussing our options"

So, we got the HCG results back and they are slowly going down. They were at 7,845 (or something) and two days later 7,744. Not much but no where near where I should be at 8w5d. I've been pretty good all week until just now, when I talked to my mom about covering for me at work. She asked me, "well, are you okay?" and it made me stop and think for a minute. I'm probably not okay. I WILL be okay, but its okay to not be okay sometimes.

I called and cancelled our u/s for Monday. I think that has been the worst thing of this all. Just trying to make something out of the black and white screen that just looks like some weird alien things. You try to look for a flicker...but there is nothing. That is the absolute most painful.

You know, infertility has taken the fun out of getting pregnant (except this past cycle, coincidentally) and now this has take the fun out of being pregnant. The Husband said "this isn't fun anymore." I couldn't say it better myself. Maybe I am so sort of sick sadist who likes to experience this torture with me and my husband. I've already picked out a counselor at my church, for the next time we get pregnant. I may not be optimistic with this one, but next time I have no choice to be optimistic. Its just my nature.

I am about 90% we are going to opt for a medically induced m/c. I do not want to have a d&c unless it is absolutely medically necessary. We are in the process of looking and purchasing a house and our insurance is ridiculous. I know that is no reason to not get it, but I also do not want to be put under. I just don't want to do it.

I fell less morally charged by doing it medically induced as opposed to surgery. Call me crazy. I, in no means, am against a d&c. I just know it is not for me, right now.

So here we wait..another long weekend..another long wait...until Monday.