"Molar" pregnancy

So for the 2nd time in 7 months, I will be having to medically end a pregnancy. It's really sad that I am almost desensitized from the whole thing. It really sucks. I don't even have adequate words for it. I really felt this was "it" and I'm very pissed that this shit has ruined ANY future pregnancy. So what's the next step? D&C scheduled for 4/24 and after that we are doing extensive bloodwork. I am looking forward to answers since this isn't seeming like a coincidence anymore.


Seriously. This sucks.

What should be 7w

I'm having a very hard day. I barely made it out of bed by 1pm, just in time to get ready for work. I'm feeling the impending doom of my appointment tomorrow. I've been very positive up until today. I think it's me trying to prepare myself for the worst. I'm really concerned that I have to go to the appointment alone. The Husband works tomorrow and isn't positive he will be able to come to the appointment. My mom is covering for me at work and everyone else is busy. It's sucks to have to go through this...but going alone really sucks. I'm praying for fabulous news tomorrow...but I know the odds are against me. Until next time..

6w0d

Today would mark 6 weeks exactly. At my last appointment, Dr G suggested we make an appointment for an ultrasound at 6w. I made it for today and The Husband was able to come, thankfully. I went through the whole schpeel with him...of you see something flicker, grab my phone. We were so excited which was so weird to me since the last first ultrasound we had was so traumatizing when it showed a blighted ovum. They started te ultrasound... And again all was found was a sac. She said it measured 5-5.5 weeks which isn't totally off but let's be honest...I know when I conceived! It is so difficult to see that screen with a little circle again. Screw you, infertility! I have tried my hardest to be strong and hold it together because The Husband just doesn't know what to do for me. I pray for a miracle but am preparing for the worst. What's the killer is...April 27th was my last due date...mother's day was when we were going to announce....a horrible time to be going through a miscarriage.

5w0d

How crazy is it to say that again? I am just so dang excited I can't even concentrate on ANYTHING. This becomes very inconvenient when I am trying to finish up school! I was telling a friend that I am way more excited this time around because of my beta increase. I wasn't this thrilled last time. I let my fear be bigger than me. This time, my faith is bigger than my fear. I have my first appointment on April 3rd...ONE week from today. Well technically it would be 6 days away. With Easter this weekend, I'm sure I will be able to keep my mind off of it for a little bit. If you're the religious type, I ask you to kindly send me your prayers. I am so ready for this to be "real" that I am not looking for any other option.

6 more days!

Welp!

I haven't been blogging for a while because this thing called "life" seems to get in the way. Don't you hate it when that happens? Let's see what has happened... school has really bit my ass, spring is finally here, oh and I got one of these...

We could not be more elated but obviously are cautiously optimistic. I went in for my betas #1  (13dpo)and #2 (15dpo) and they seem to be doing great. Way better than last time! 

Obviously this is very early! Our first u/s is on April 3rd. I couldn't bring myself to having one on the 1st!

Hope all is well!

And LOUISE!- don't spill the beans! :)

CD1...cycle ???

You know, as I enter start CD1...again, I am trying to think back on exactly WHAT cycle we are on. I guess it really doesn't matter since it will be 4 years this coming May. Ouch. 4 years, never thought I'd see that coming. Well this post just turned the other direction than I anticipated. I came to write about how positive I am about this whole thing today. I'm almost giddy! Partially because I'm excited for my girl over at  Picked Perfect! and her upcoming (1st!) Femera cycle! Yeehaw! I'm positive about mine as well, though my doctor has decided to keep me at 100mg. I really think that she's pushing her luck with a 2nd (well, really this would be my 4th cycle) of 100mg. Whatever, I'll trust her..for now! So here we go cycle # unknown...Let's do this!

Bad night to fight

The Husband and I rarely fight. We have squabbles but who doesn't? Tonight we have had a bit of a doozy. Horrible night to have a hormone induced rage.