Keep on keepin' on..

Since all that has transposed has kind of hit us hard, we've decided to definitely go on vacation in May. It's kind of helping me cope and look forward to something. The D&C has me freaked out. Mostly the being sedated business. I don't like that! We spent all day yesterday looking at vacations and couldn't finalize anything. I think it's in between a cruise or a road trip to Colorado. I've never been to Colorado for anything but business and that'd be cool. But am I really going to be up to moving and hiking? Whatever it is, I'm just ready to get out of here!!! I'm starting to get bitter. I hate that feeling! I think it's worse because I was reading on how if it is deemed "molar" I will be put on birth control for approximately 6+ months. That's tough to swallow. I hate that idea! Trying to conceive is all. I've know for 4 years. 4 years! And now I'm supposed to stop for 6+ months?! I'm also bitter that my d&c is scheduled for two days before my first due date. Horrible timing! I feel like I just can't catch a break. I've, oddly, been able to hold it together pretty well. I don't know where this Hercules strength has come from, but I'll take it! I am almost numb to this whole thing. Again, I hate this! I hate feeling like this! And I hate feeling like just another statistic. Who knew life could be THIS hard?