A speck in the scheme of things.

The Husband told me I'm losing it today because I really wanted him to look at an adoption agency that I would like to use... If in the case this doesn't work. And if it does, it's still something I want to do. I think our failed adoption has opened our eyes to a lot of situations. I don't talk much about it, but I am a very religious person. I teach Sunday school and love my faith. The Lord is my savior. I do believe in the freedom to believe in what you want and defi items not push your beliefs upon someone else. Pretty much this means to friends and on Facebook. That being said, my church speaks to me. It gives me faith and hope. It's my Truth and that's great. Our Pastor talked about the worst pain in your life (physical or emotional) is only just a speck in the grand scheme. That got me thinking of a bigger picture. Even on today, a bad day, I think about that and it puts my heart to ease a little. This truth let's me know that my present situation will change and it may or may not be in the favor I wish....and that's okay. We will be okay. We are okay now. We are fighters and survivors...we will become parents. Speaking of hard days, it is so difficult to have people give me sympathy and be too unrealisticly optimistic. I know that sounds ungrateful and cynical, but really it's the truth. Obviously I would never say that to someone, in fear they would be embarrassed as take my clomid moody attack to heart. I am not one who like attention unless you are laughing at my jokes. And really I hate when you trip or fall and the whole audience who saw you does a unanimous, "ohhhhhh! Are you ok?" holy moly that pisses and embarrasses me so bad. Going through infertility is like one big fall in the middle of the most crowded hallway possible. I know people mean well, I really do. I really hope that this time next year I look back at this and feel differently about this. Until next time. CD4 Xoxo