Ultimate Frisbee!

So today started like a normal day..except not! The Husband called me and told me our best 'couple' friends were coming over to do a CrossFit work out in the front yard. Cooool...I was glad I wasn't home. Its 106 in Texas this week! OUCH! Well, right after that call, I got off early! Awesome!! So I booked it home and watched them work out and almost pass out then it was off to ultimate frisbee. We've been talking about playing for a very long time so this was a great opportunity to go and it also be with our friends. Well, we get there and it was a bunch of high school kids. We were the only 4 adults there. Ha! The other 3 played and I watched (half because I had NO idea how to play and Im an observer- and- my hot flashes have been KILLER this round of Clomid. I was petrified Id pass out on the field!). SO FUN! The Husband had such a blast playing (so happy to see that!).

As a couple, we had gone YEARS with out a 'couple' to be friends with. Usually, one of us likes one and the other can't stand the other (in most cases it was me). Its great to have a 'couple' we can go out to eat with, go to the movies, play ultimate frisbee, go to the river, etc with. I think that is so important! It helps you grow as a couple and as friends. It just so happens it is one of The Husband's co-workers and his wife. In his line of work (LE), it is so imparative to work and associate with people you trust completely. The Husband trust that his friend will have his back and he would have his back as well. As a wife of an LEO, I yearn to see that sort of relationship in his workplace. He NEEDS that. It's a sense of security in a world that is not secure.

So to recap today- WAY BETTER than my whole week has been. I feel like Clomid has never made me this emotional, but I'm sure The Husband would beg to differ.

A speck in the scheme of things.

The Husband told me I'm losing it today because I really wanted him to look at an adoption agency that I would like to use... If in the case this doesn't work. And if it does, it's still something I want to do. I think our failed adoption has opened our eyes to a lot of situations. I don't talk much about it, but I am a very religious person. I teach Sunday school and love my faith. The Lord is my savior. I do believe in the freedom to believe in what you want and defi items not push your beliefs upon someone else. Pretty much this means to friends and on Facebook. That being said, my church speaks to me. It gives me faith and hope. It's my Truth and that's great. Our Pastor talked about the worst pain in your life (physical or emotional) is only just a speck in the grand scheme. That got me thinking of a bigger picture. Even on today, a bad day, I think about that and it puts my heart to ease a little. This truth let's me know that my present situation will change and it may or may not be in the favor I wish....and that's okay. We will be okay. We are okay now. We are fighters and survivors...we will become parents. Speaking of hard days, it is so difficult to have people give me sympathy and be too unrealisticly optimistic. I know that sounds ungrateful and cynical, but really it's the truth. Obviously I would never say that to someone, in fear they would be embarrassed as take my clomid moody attack to heart. I am not one who like attention unless you are laughing at my jokes. And really I hate when you trip or fall and the whole audience who saw you does a unanimous, "ohhhhhh! Are you ok?" holy moly that pisses and embarrasses me so bad. Going through infertility is like one big fall in the middle of the most crowded hallway possible. I know people mean well, I really do. I really hope that this time next year I look back at this and feel differently about this. Until next time. CD4 Xoxo

A little bit of this, a little bit of that.

What a wonderful time to be having a quarter-life crisis, huh? I am so ready for some change, great change, in fact, that its hard to concentrate on anything else. Obviously some of the things I'd like to change are (but not limited to): My infertility, where we live (it really is great, but I want something else..not necessarily "more"), More money (who doesnt?). Talking with The Husband today, he has found an opportunity that (if he passes all the qualifications) would put us where want to be with a comfortable income and the ability to let me quit work all together and finish school (and hopefully, start a family). What amazing dreams. Thats pretty much my 'wildest' dreams coming true! So serious. That being said, I think we have decided to persue this. Hows that for vague? :)

On to my insomnia aiding, headache giving, moody instigator medication that I'm taking...........Its like all of the above..but way worse! My insomnia is so bad right now. I'm exhausted but I just cannot sleep whatosever. The headaches have been SUPER annoying this time and I'm only on day 3!!! I have 3 more days to take it. And of course we live in Texas and we're going to have exceptionally hot weather, even for Texas this week (103+ ouch!). So I am not looking forward to the normal hot flashes this week!

But along with all the other symptoms, side effects, psychosymatic effects- bring them on!

Here's to hoping 4th times a charm and July is our lucky month!

Round 4!

I really did not think I would be starting "ROUND 4."

Holy Crap.

If this round does not work, it will be time to start discussing other options.  I really don't know if we are financially, mentally, or emotionally ready for that step. Its hard to be spending my 'facebook time' looking up doctors. BOO! I want my frivilous facebook or shopping online time back.

I guess its time to sit back and enjoy the rest of the summer! We have a river trip coming up with some great friends. I can't wait!

I really hate only posting on here when Im having a horrible day. But thats when it is the most cathartic, I guess.


Onward and upwards.

Woohoo!

So heres a little bit more of a brighter post than my last. I've had a fabulous day! I received my progesterone levels from my bloodwork I had done on Tuesday. They want to see over a 15 to insure ovulation..
My baseline was 0.4 -HORRIBLE!
1st Month on Clomid- 5.2 -Bad!
2nd Month on Clomid- 7.8- Better but still bad!
3rd Month on Clomid- 23.9!!! AWWWYEAH!

I am supposed to start my period between Sunday and Tuesday. If it doesn't come..AWESOME!! And if it does, I'll be okay with it. I'm so glad that we have found our dosage.

Great news!

I'm getting desperate.

I wish I could show more excitement when I hear a friend is pregnant or I see one of the girls on a blog I follow is expecting. Really and genuinely i am so excited for them but then I realize the desperation on my part. I hate feeling like that. I feel so selfish and plain rude and that's not who I am. Clomid is really playing tricks on me! I'm constantly having to apologize for what I've said or did towards The Husband. Poor guy. I really wish this was "the month," but it's not looking that way :( if/when I start my cycle, I will begin my 4th month out of 6 that I will ever be able to take clomid. That's scary. I never thought I'd ever have to take more than a couple of months. I know the realty and that is very disheartening.