December, is that you?

It's been pretty eventful lately...not! Well sort of kind of, at least in the world of TTC. I did not end up getting my provera RX. I just had a feeling I did O after the m/c and I would start on my own naturally. I was right, for once! it wasn't nearly as bad as I had anticipated but I am glad that is over. I started soy isoflavones CD 5-8 (though I know people take them earlier, I really just decided last minute). I've started OPKs but just out of habit not necessity. I'll take it seriously in a few days.

I've had a hard couple of days with work drama with The Husband and just feeling overwhelmed lately. I waited until The Husband went to bed last night and sat on the floor praying and crying and praying and crying. I feel so much better today. I fell refreshed and able to take everything on again. It's weird to say..and chances are its the soy helping pump that estrogen..but...I have felt a "big cry" coming for a week now. Almost as if, I just needed to get it all out so I can move on. I did..and I feel pretty good now!

In spirit of looking towards the future and all that I am looking forward to or am grateful for... I figured I'd make myself  a list..

1. Ugly Sweater Party next weekend!
2. My friends coming into town!
3. Actually starting on my own
4. My sweet puppies!
5. CHRISTMAS!!
6. Getting back to TTC life.
7. Hopefully starting back at acupuncture next month!

Obviously I am also so grateful for The Husband and the most amazing family and friends I could have been blessed with!

With being excited for the Ugly Sweater Party, I am starting to get ready with gathering my recipes and the food I want to make. I'm having a hard time deciding exactly what I want to serve!

What are your Christmas party plans? What is your favorite recipe for the festivities?

stress overload!

I've taken an unwanted absence because of school. It finally caught up with me! Everything we have dealt with over the past 4 months finally has come to a head when talking about school. I'm waiting for AF to show and she is wanting to take her dang time. I really hate taking provera or as The Husband refers to them.. "bitch pills" for obvious reasons. :) Besides that, life has been just fine. It's not always pretty, but we get through don't we? I'm highly anticipating the end of my classes and the beginning of the holidays! I've been working hard to finish early and be done before Thanksgiving. I work next week on Monday and Tuesday while The Husband is off ALL week! The only thing that is getting me through the next few days is the fact that I will have ALL of Wednesday off with The Husband. I told him early, we will be doing nothing but lovin'! We've missed each other so much and we need that day to decompress. I may even get him to pull down the Christmas decorations!! :) I CANT WAIT!!!

In case I do not get back on before then, Happy Thanksgiving to you and your's!

November!

I'm so excited that it's November! Pretty much I just like to refer to November as the month of everything pumpkin. I have no complaints there! :) I had someone ask me if it was too early to put up their Christmas decorations. I told her "you're asking the wrong lady!" If I got in the attic (I refuse!) I would have already pulled them out and have them ready to be put up in the next two weeks. The Husband rations me and will make me wait until Black Friday, like that will stop me or something!  My theory is, set them up whenever!..and just don't invite anyone to your house. Then no one will know you are crazy!

School has been absolutely kicking my in the ass and I'm trying to take it like a champ. I have 3 major projects coming up that I need to concentrate on, but it gets hard! Hopefully I will be done with one in the next couple of days so then I only have 2 more to work on. Last night I was taking one of my last exams (early, might I add) and I got a wave of dizziness and nausea at the same time. I had to finish and lay on the couch to even finish getting The Husband's uniform pressed for the morning. I could barely stand up and the room was spinning. It was so strange! I'm trying not to symptom spot, but its hard when you feel so crappy. I slept about 9 hours and now I am feeling remarkably better! Thank the LORD!

Today is a day I have been anticipating for a week! Ugly Sweater Party SHOPPING! Okay, I'll admit, you add "shopping" to the end of anything and I'm in! "Casket shopping".."wheel chair shopping"....its all the same, right?  Anyway, I'm so excited to see what kind of gem I can find this year.   This little one to the right is from a couple of years ago. It may have been from the first Ugly Sweater Party we've thrown, actually. My BFF and went and had 'professional' pictures made at Target. ha! It was awesome. Notice the little bear? How sweat do I look!!! Though, you can't see the little flamingos on my sweater, it still is pretty great.

After the year we've had, this Sweater Party is going to need to be AMAZING!! :)

Christmas, where are you?

Who would've thought I would be excited for Christmas? I am so pumped that I can hardly wait to pull out all the decorations out of the attic and start setting up our tree.

 After the miscarriage, I thought this Christmas would be horrible. Pure terror and despair, really. I am excited that I am going be able to celebrate it AND even better, I am eager for it to get here. This makes me happier the more I think about it. The holidays are big for us and, honestly, after Halloween...its all a blur! We do Thanksgiving big..and Black Friday BIGGER! Shortly after that we have our Annual Ugly Sweater Party...and then its time for Christmas festivities!

This week I went ahead and ordered all of my seasonal favorites from my Scentsy girl. After those get here, it will be hard not to decorate! They always get me in the mood for pumpkin pie and "Santa Baby" blaring!

What is your favorite part about this time of year?

Wedding bells for a friend.

Today I was fortunate to drive out to Cut-N-Shoot, Texas (I LOVE the name of this town!) to see a wonderful friend get married. The Husband worked 16 hours today and had no means of getting off, so I was able to go with a fabulous friend! It was beautiful! 

How could I not smile obnoxiously while Im stitting right by the margarita machine and the self-serve bar? This was the best seat in town, yall!

Can I just say it was all about coordination this evening? As you can tell, N is wearing the wedding colors (unknowingly...or not :) ) and I am wearing purple to match the lady whos backside is photo bombing our picture. Beautiful! It does not get better than that. Actually..the whole sitting next to the margarita machine and self-serve bar made it way better..but at this point, this was as good as it gets!

I love weddings! I love the vows, the people (Sometimes haha), the food, the drinks, the dancing(!!!!!!)..everything. I love getting invited and being a part of someone's special day. I felt so dumb today! I could not find a bag for the gift. Its in a box and its misshaped rectangle. I mean that, as it wont fit in a standard size bag! Dumb! So I had to be that person telling the bride, "I'm going to bring your gift after your honeymoon! I swear I have it and I'm not cheap..but you see the bag was too small...and I went to 3 different stores and couldnt find one big enough..and Im not the wrapping paper kind of girl." Okay, okay..I didn't say all that, though I probably would have. Did I ever write what I said to the US customs guy? Its almost embaressing..if you're not me that is! :) Anyway- so I'll be meeting up with her in a couple of weeks. Ill try to keep The Husband from using the can opener and cutting board until then.

Switching gears, I'm glad to say that midterms are over and I can breath a little..until tomorrow that is. I have so much work to do tomorrow its unreal. I've put it off because The Husband was working and I knew he'd be on patrol for 2 12s and 1 16 this weekend, so I wanted to spend time with him this week while I could. Then there was the wedding and let's face it, normally I would come home and do homework but the older I get...the more I appreciate a good buzz! I love not drinking very much anymore. You know because its good for me and all..and...mostly because when I have 2 beers now I feel good. :)  Really, thats why I like not drinking anymore.

Its really nice to not be talking about TTC BS.... Though I've had EWCM for two days. Weird. More weird that when I told The Husband I had "evidence" of Oing..he said "egg white cervical muscus"...yes, honey..do you have to be so gross? hahah! We're taking the month of and since its his long weekend anyway, I don't see any BD time in our future. That's okay, but part of me does kind of want to throw a huge pity party.

Onwards and upwards, right?

Prayers for Baby A

I'd like to ask for prayers for a friend of mine who had her baby early this morning at 24 weeks. Baby A is fighting and holding on but she could definitely use some prayers! Lord, be with this child!

One of those days..

I've had a complete shit storm of a day!  Its been almost incredible how crappy it was, but I've still been able to keep my head up. It started with something that I'm not ready to discuss that caused me a little guilt and then....

Just something an infertile does not want to hear, "My 15 year old niece is pregnant!" Wow! Good thing it was from my BFF or I may of taken it a little differently.

Maybe I am a little disgruntled and jaded on this whole thing. I look at the love I have for my husband and how much we have prepared our lives to bring a child into this world and a 15 and 17 year old want to play house and..BAM! It happens for them. It stings a lot. I keep telling my BFF that she is 15 and she needs to be asked what her next step is because, after all, she chose to put her big girl panties on and make a big girl decision..so now the real big girl decisions start. Real fun, huh? I was so dumb when I was 15, I can't even imagine becoming a mother too. Is the MTV nation to blame? I don't think so. I think its laziness in parenting. Yeah, yeah- easy for an infertile to say, right? Honestly, its very difficult for me to even fathom.

The Husband and I were discussing what our options are after this. I am a realist when it comes to my health and future down the infertility road. I like to research and understand what is to come, what did happen, and our options as a whole. This is the exact opposite of my normal every day attitude with life. I am usually the complete optimist! I really love to think the best will come out of a situation. I would rather be disappointed once than go through agony waiting to be disappointed. If that even makes any sense. The Husband is a realist with life and a optimist with our infertility. I think it balances us off greatly as a couple. Anyway- we discussed (tonight, actually) what we would do next. He said his 'union' in looking into a gap/supplemental insurance that may pick up some of the IF tab (still unsure) and we both are happy to see where that goes. I started our conversation out by saying, "Did you realize there are a lot of people in your department that have adopted lately?" He agreed with me. I go on to say, "Its because our insurance SUCKS! What they do cover, we have to fight. We are not as far along in our journey as a lot of people, but we're still getting the shaft." He totally understood. I explained that I feel like we're going to hit that fork in the road. IVF or adoption. I don't want to get to this fork, I'd rather it be a spoon or a knife..or a melon baller or something (hows that for a corny joke? :)  ). I see it as we're headed 'home' and we come to a fork in the road. To the left, you're going through the roughest terrain possible. It's all downhill and your brakes went out. On the right, its level ground with asphalt. There are a few speed bumps and maybe a wrong turn or two, but you still have your brakes. I've told him this analogy before but he never seemed to get it. Today he got it better than ever.

If there is one thing we've disagreed on in this whole process, it would be what to do NEXT. Obviously my egg quality may be at risk and I pray every day that the recent m/c was a fluke..but lets get real. What if it wasn't? What next? I want to be prepared so my heart can be at least right behind my head in processing what is happening. It's tough to go through this and as the time lapses...more people are getting pregannt and more people are having babies...and more people are asking when you are going to start a family..and you're getting older...and...the list goes on and on. 

Tomorrow I'm going to a girlfriend's wedding and I can't wait. Surprisingly enough, she has PCOS too and will be TTC after her wedding. I pray her path isn't as jaded as our's has been! Tomorrow will be a good day and I'll wake up refreshed and happy with the world again (until someone screws it up!)...but today..today I'm allowing myself to be a little bitter and a little sad. Today is a "Why not me?" kind of a day. I hate days like this and the only solace is I am choosing to make tomorrow better.

I hope tomorrow is better for you too.