"Don't give up!"- a breakdown, adoption, West and Boston.

I had a particularly hard morning that was pleasantly coincided with The Husband calling me every so often right exactly when I needed to talk to him. One of the moms I work for had told me after I told her of this pregnancy failure to "Don't give up!" She texted me again yesterday to tell me the same thing, obviously she really means it, I guess. Though I was thrilled with a friend's first ultrasound today, I have a feeling of impending doom the closer I get to Wednesday. I am ready for this to be over. I'm ready for the headaches, nausea, weakened immune system, just everything! I'm so over all of this. I would gladly take this in a heartbeat with good reason, I am not enjoying it right now! One of the little boys I nanny for  (it was just him and I on Friday) has autism and "scripts" movies a lot. He's a one man show! Well I'm sure it came from a movie but he told me yesterday, just like his mom, "Aunt Shannon, don't give up! Really, you can do it!"  (he has an Aunt Shannon and my nephews call me that....so its just easier to go with it than continual try to explain its Mrs Shannon.) Oh mylanta.. I about lost it. How did this 6 year old little boy know exactly what I needed to hear but was scared to hear at that very moment? I hugged him so tight and told him I loved him. After that, my day kind of numbed out. I was able to function, after I pushed back a few tears.

I cam home from work on Wednesday, sick as a dog. The Husband told me that we are going to dinner since he didn't know how to make soup and I hate the canned stuff. I definitely was needing something to eat after a couple days of not having much more than juice. We went to Sweet Tomatoes and started the normal after work talks we do every day. "How was your day?" "What did you do?" It was his day off so I imagined it was full of homework and some silly shows on DVR. He told me he couldn't get anything done. I wasn't surprised because, lets be honest, he's a man! :) He finally told me he was looking up adoption all day. WOW. I have brought up adoption with him in the past, I am all for it. I have always wanted to adopt and even with this current pregnancy, we had discussed adopting for a 2nd, but he wasn't sold. I never wanted to "talk him into" adoption. Who wants to do that? I felt that brings resentment and no one needs that! We discussed a little more about what  he envisions and how he would like it to go. After our failed kin adoption in '11, he is nervous of the prospects of the child being 'taken back.' We've been burned before, I understand his concern. He would prefer to do it international, maybe domestically, but is not very interested in foster to adopt. Its a hairy thing in Texas and with him being in law enforcement, he doesn't feel safe doing it right now. I respect all of that. We are taking things step by step and have decided to figure out a plan this summer. Lord knows how long it will take me to be able to get pregnant again, if it's possible.

We were joking that we aren't good gardeners. We can plant it but we can't make it grow. Its kind of funny/sad.

I cannot write an enormously long blog and not post about the events in West, Tx and Boston. West, Tx holds a lot of memories near and dear to me. Stopping for kolaches along the way from Dallas to Austin or San Antonio. It is very painful to watch the footage and think of the ones lost in that. The evens that unfolded in Boston were insane. Luckily, The Husband worked yesterday but was home yesterday evening so we were able to sit next to each other on the couch and watch the footage of the remaining bomber being captured. It was amazing how the agencies worked together so swiftly to apprehend him. Watching it unfold and seeing the glimmer in my husband's eyes, I know he would be right in there. He is one to face the fear that others run from. He was so excited that the guys leaving the scene in Watertown received such praise. These guys do not get thanked enough for what they do. They may be the last thing you want behind you when you're speeding, but they are the first thing you want coming towards you when there is danger. I'm so thankful I married my own hero.