January already?

Where has the time gone? I have no idea! I feel like I have been on overdrive since Christmas...Oh wait, I have! Life has been crazy, as it is for everyone. I've started a new semester with school and it is going to be a doozie. 164 questions for a study guide, what is going on here!? I'll survive, but thats only because that is all I know how to do.

I was blind-sided by a call I received from a family member today. She was gentle in telling me that the family member's girlfriend, whom we had the adoption agreement with, was pregnant again. Just a little back story on that:  My husband cousin and his girlfriend were pregnant and had a baby in '11...they were 17 and 18 and had propositioned to adopt their baby. Shortly before the baby was born, they recanted. Devastation is not even close to what we experienced with that. We had made preperations (lawyer, etc)..everything besides buying furniture. We were even thinking about moving so they would have no idea where we lived. My husband's cousin and his girlfriend are not in a healthy relationship. They're very lucky that her parents are kind enough to be raising their daughter right now.

I will say that I am not nearly as upset over this than I thought I would be. This definitely pisses me off, especially on the cusp of my best friend's 15 year old niece being pregnant..but I think that I'm in a better place than I was. Thank GOD I did not find out before Christmas. I would've been crushed.

So, of course, in natural IF style, I'm throwing myself a pity party. You're invited! :) I kid, I kid. But really..

I'm just so tired of trying and not succeeding. I know my situation is better than a lot of women, but my situation is unique to me. I will never give up in finding my rainbow baby. I will never stop trying. The time in between now and baby bliss is the killer. I keep telling myself that I can't rush this and, honestly, I've done really well over the last 4 months. But now, here I sit, wishing it was me..again.