Thought of the day...

I had posted this picture on facebook after seeing it somewhere. I LOVE this so much! I think I may print it out so I can see it every day. Its so true!

As far as the TTC train is moving along, I am experiencing pretty bad O cramps in my lower back on my right side today and into this evening. I'm actually pretty excited. I've only gotten these pains WHEN I have actually O'd. So we'll see soon, as I'm taking my TCM, OPKs, and temping to see whats going on with this crazy body I've got.

January already?

Where has the time gone? I have no idea! I feel like I have been on overdrive since Christmas...Oh wait, I have! Life has been crazy, as it is for everyone. I've started a new semester with school and it is going to be a doozie. 164 questions for a study guide, what is going on here!? I'll survive, but thats only because that is all I know how to do.

I was blind-sided by a call I received from a family member today. She was gentle in telling me that the family member's girlfriend, whom we had the adoption agreement with, was pregnant again. Just a little back story on that:  My husband cousin and his girlfriend were pregnant and had a baby in '11...they were 17 and 18 and had propositioned to adopt their baby. Shortly before the baby was born, they recanted. Devastation is not even close to what we experienced with that. We had made preperations (lawyer, etc)..everything besides buying furniture. We were even thinking about moving so they would have no idea where we lived. My husband's cousin and his girlfriend are not in a healthy relationship. They're very lucky that her parents are kind enough to be raising their daughter right now.

I will say that I am not nearly as upset over this than I thought I would be. This definitely pisses me off, especially on the cusp of my best friend's 15 year old niece being pregnant..but I think that I'm in a better place than I was. Thank GOD I did not find out before Christmas. I would've been crushed.

So, of course, in natural IF style, I'm throwing myself a pity party. You're invited! :) I kid, I kid. But really..

I'm just so tired of trying and not succeeding. I know my situation is better than a lot of women, but my situation is unique to me. I will never give up in finding my rainbow baby. I will never stop trying. The time in between now and baby bliss is the killer. I keep telling myself that I can't rush this and, honestly, I've done really well over the last 4 months. But now, here I sit, wishing it was me..again.

New Year!

After reading some people's blogs about doing wonderfully, amazing things fro NYE...I wonder if they're really telling the truth. I will tell you what The Husband and I did. It was wonderfully, amazing! We put on our PJs and opened the champagne at like 7. We at chicken tacos and queso and he talked me into playing the xbox while I got tipsy. When that was over, I had to make him a cup of coffee because at 10pm he was already draggin'. Finally we made it to 12...he made it to 12:05 and was in bed.

It was really wondeful though. I really didn't get sad this Thanksgiving or Christmas, but New Year's hit me hard for some reason. Don't get me wrong, I was emotional through all the holidays, but NYE got me. I put a status on my facebook :

 2012 has been one of the most trying and difficult years of life....sprinkled with some incredible memories. If I had it all to do over again, I would. Thank you 2012 for teaching me what is important and thanks to my Kyle, family, friends and friends that are like family for being there along the way. ♥

The responses I received were phenomenal and really just hit me. I had to keep from tearing up from the support from our friends and family that may or may not know exactly what we have gone through this year. I'm a Virgo so it's hard for me to accept compliments and praise. This was very difficult! The Husband was more than just amazing this New Year's. He finally asked why I was moping around and what he could do to help. I told himw hat my deal was and he told me that he was bummed too, though he wasn't going to show it to me. Sweet guy. At midnight, he woke up from his post- taco/champagne/beer/queso/coffee daze and went to the Christmas tree and grabbed two bells off the bottom. (Are we the only ones who put bells on the bottom of the tree? We tell people its for the dogs but really its so I don't peek!) He grabbed my hand and made me go out on the deck in the freezing rain and ring my dang bell! He told me that we were ringing in the new year "out with the old and in with the new." This simple gesture meant so much to me. I cannot believe how much that really meant to me. He really is my soulmate and times like this he solidifies it. I felt like a load had been lifted off my shoulders and I knew that this guy was IN IT WITH ME.

My Clomid buddy, Rachel and I were discussing how lucky we are to have men that are really IN IT with us. They aren't just in the process, they are a part of the process...holding your hand along the way. The Husband is gaining almost (almost:) ) as much knowledge on TTC as I have gained. Its encouraging to know that I am not the only one that knows the procedures and next steps that we are going to be faced.

With that being said...
Bring it on, 2013! Lets see what you got!