CD1...cycle ???

You know, as I enter start CD1...again, I am trying to think back on exactly WHAT cycle we are on. I guess it really doesn't matter since it will be 4 years this coming May. Ouch. 4 years, never thought I'd see that coming. Well this post just turned the other direction than I anticipated. I came to write about how positive I am about this whole thing today. I'm almost giddy! Partially because I'm excited for my girl over at  Picked Perfect! and her upcoming (1st!) Femera cycle! Yeehaw! I'm positive about mine as well, though my doctor has decided to keep me at 100mg. I really think that she's pushing her luck with a 2nd (well, really this would be my 4th cycle) of 100mg. Whatever, I'll trust her..for now! So here we go cycle # unknown...Let's do this!

Bad night to fight

The Husband and I rarely fight. We have squabbles but who doesn't? Tonight we have had a bit of a doozy. Horrible night to have a hormone induced rage.

less than 2 beta

I got my results back today, < freaking 2. Wow. Days like today make me rethink life decisions. haha I say that a lot, so do not take that without a grain of salt. It just makes you rethink anything you felt or thought this cycle. I hate that infertility has been able to take away any joy I had left out of this whole TTC business. We have decided to go forward with planning our vacation in May and whatever happens between now and then will just have to fit into those plans. So here's onto another cycle!

Going for a beta

I'm not trying to get my hopes up in the least, but I did get a few faint BFPs this weekend. I haven't tested in the last 24-36 hours because really I don't want to stress. It is either a BFP or Im going on to the next round. So tomorrow I am going at 9am for my first beta since August. Has it really been that long?


Just to symptom spot a little:
- constantly runny nose
-twinges and cramps
-TONS of creamy CM
-the ridiculous dizziness

I'll find out on Wednesday..so either I get to give The Husband an awesome Valentine's gift......that I don't have to buy :)  or I have to go buy a bottle of wine........and something for The Husband. :)

Got to give a shout out to my girl at Perfectly Picked! for the BEAUTIFUL bracelet and chocolate and the sweetest card I think anyone has ever sent to me!!

My "replacement" Diana

I went to my DR this morning to do my monthly check and her new nurse is my new Diana I have determined. She is sweet, kind, and very understanding. Im really not hard to please, I just want someone with a soul. Ha! Regardless, at least my appointments will be a little nicer. Her old nurse was super rude and cold. Not really what you want when you're about to jump up on a table and..well, you get it.

My DR was super excited to see me. This is pretty weird because usually she is very standoffish and doesn't like to become attached. She seemed happy to see me continuing our journey and was ecstatic to see that I have ovulated. It is nice to have the lady with the degree on her wall in your corner. I start testing tomorrow morning. I know we're not the lucky ones to get a BFP on our first round again, but I am hopeful! The Husband is beyond hopeful this time, which makes me feel pretty good.

Awkward moment of the day: I only wear those crazy ankle socks you can find at Target. Sometimes they match, sometimes they don't..luckily today I had my valentine's day ones on that had neon orange hearts. While I was mid-exam with my feet in the stirrups the nurse grabs my foot and says "Wow! Cute Socks!! Where did you get them?" .....Not the time!

Dangit, Diana!!

I am irrationally sad that my favorite nurse is no longer working at the clinic I have my blood draws taken. I went in yesterday to get my 7DPO progesterone draw and a new girl called me back. I was a little freaked out because I've always had Diana. One Stick Diana, even. This girl does not put any gloves on (I didn't even notice until we were done) and searched and searched for vein. She stuck me and then asked "Where do they normally stick you?" Oh geez lady! Diana would never do that!!!! So she poked aroun until she found a gusher. My track marks are heinous! As I was leaving, I asked if Diana was out today and they acted really weird "Oh no...she's no longer employed here..she doesn't work here." I feel like she should've called me before she quit (I remember her saying she was looking for a 2nd job). I'm kidding, but really it's sad! It's amazing how we seem to get so attached to "constants" in this wild journey. She was an amazing person. She called me 5 times when my miscarriage blood work came in to "check me." She left me messages every time and I could tell she was tearing up. Then when I saw her for a follow up draw (well more like a million follow ups), she was so compassionate. She really wanted this for us. I know a lot of people want this for us, but I could really just feel it coming from her. I'll definitely miss, Diana.

On another note, I did get my results. 16.9! So I DID ovulate! So now here's back to that waiting junk that us IFers are so dang used to. I have a follow-up appointment with my DR tomorrow. Curious what she has to say to me, I haven't seen her since December...maybe November!


Keep your head up ladies!



Ps...this was posted from my phone. Sorry for the typos!